


sourdough for a sour wolf

by stilesobrien (bravechester)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Not Fic, Text Messages, many parks and rec references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 04:56:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/974590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravechester/pseuds/stilesobrien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles messes with the keyboard shortcuts on Derek's phone. Derek is not pleased.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sourdough for a sour wolf

**Author's Note:**

> I actually started writing this right after I started watching Teen Wolf in June. I decided to finish it. And I'm so sorry about this. By the way, the "sourdough for a sour wolf" thing was something I tweeted from a Derek Hale RP account that I jokingly made in July. I found the tweet yesterday and was cracking up, and I don't even know why.
> 
> For your convenience, texts from Derek are bolded. Texts to Derek are just normal.
> 
> Oh, and these are the keyboard shortcuts that Stiles adds.  
> car--> gogo mobile  
> air conditioner-->cool blasterz  
> cake-->big ole cookie  
> egg-->pre-bird  
> tortilla-->bean blankie  
> noodles-->long ass rice  
> sandwich-->san-doozle  
> chicken parmesan--> chicky chicky parm parm  
> stiles-->sexy hunk of man meat

** From:  Derek Hale  **

** (6:01 PM) why arent you at the pack meeting sexy hunk of man meat **

** (6:01 PM) what the fuck **

** (6:02 PM) i didn’t type that  **

** (6:02 PM) did you do something to my phone **

** (6:02 PM) i’m going to kill you **

 

To: Derek Hale

(6:04 PM) whoa, i had no idea you felt that way about me

(6:04 PM) it’s ok, derek. we all have freudian slips

(6:04 PM) i’ve had many people accidentally call me sexy hunk of man meat

 

** From: Derek Hale **

** (6:05 PM) I DIDN’T FUCKING TYPE THAT **

** (6:06 PM) YOU DID SOMETHING TO MY PHONE  **

** (6:06 PM) BUT GET IN YOUR FUCKING GOGOMOBILE AND GET TO THE PACK MEETING. NOW. **

** (6:07 PM) WHAT THE FUCK IS A GOGO MOBILE **

To: Derek Hale

(6:08 PM) ok ok, jeez

(6:08 PM) should i bring cake?

** From: Derek Hale **

** (6:09 PM) ???? **

** (6:09 PM) why would you bring big ole cookie **

** (6:10 PM) i am going to rip your throat out **

** ______ **

**From: Derek Hale**

( **8:23 AM): cool blasterz is broken at my place. pack meeting cancelled.**

**(8:23 AM): cool blasterz? very funny.**

**(8:23 AM): no wonder you’re still a virgin**

 

To: Derek Hale

(8:25 AM): i take offense to that

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(8:25 AM): i take offense to the fact that you messed with my phone**

 

To: Derek Hale

(8:27 AM): i take offense to your face

_____

**From: Derek Hale**

**(6:37 PM): getting food for tonight. do you want long ass rice?**

**(6:38 PM): god damnit**

 

To: Derek Hale

(6:38 PM): i’d love some long ass rice ;)

(6:38 PM): that wasn’t supposed to be a winking face

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(6:39 PM): wow doesn’t it suck when you try to type something and it comes out wrong?**

 

To: Derek Hale

(6:40 PM): just press the little x

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(6:40 PM): my thumb is too big**

 

To: Derek Hale

(6:41 PM): ;)

(6:41 PM): that time i meant to put the winking face

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(6:42 PM): ????**

 

To: Derek Hale

(6:42 PM): you know what they say about big thumbs...

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(6:43 PM): please tell me you aren’t thinking about my penis**

 

To: Derek Hale

(6:43 PM): well, now i am

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(6:44 PM): jesus christ, sexy hunk of man meat**

**(6:44 PM): i give up**

 

To: Derek Hale

(6:45 PM): :)

(6:45 PM): where is my long ass rice?

_____  


To: Derek Hale

(12:30 PM): i’m on my way

(12:31 PM): i got you a sandwich

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(12:31 PM): why’d you get me a san-doozle**

**(12:31 PM): where are you even getting these phrases**

**(12:32 PM): nevermind, i don’t want to know**

**(12:32 PM): ....what kind of san-doozle**

 

To: Derek Hale

(12:33 PM): sourdough for a sour wolf

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(12:33 PM): you didn’t actually get me a san-doozle did you**

 

To: Derek Hale

(12:34 PM): nope

_____

To: Derek Hale

(3:00 PM): can we have mexican at the pack meeting tonight pleaseeeeeeee

(3:03 PM): pleaseeeee

(3:04 PM): pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

(3:06 PM): i want a quesadilla, derek

(3:10 PM): do it for the quesadillas

**From: Derek Hale**

**(3:15 PM): stop texting me. i’m working out**

 

To: Derek Hale

(3:15 PM): oh yeha what are you wearing

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(3:16 PM): no.**

 

To: Derek Hale

(3:16 PM): is that a no to the sexting or to the mexican 

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(3:17 PM): shut up**

**(3:17 PM): we can have mexican**

**(3:17 PM): i’ll go to the grocery store later. we need bean blankies**

**(3:18 PM): fucking christ i change my mind about the mexican**

 

To: Derek Hale

(3:19 PM): worth it!!!!

 _____

** From: Derek Hale **

** (4:00 AM): i found the keyboard shortcuts **

** (4:01 AM): when would i ever have had to type chicken parmesean  **

To: Derek Hale

(4:05 AM): it's from parks and rec, dummy

(4:06 AM): besides, i could have gotten you to say it

(4:06 AM): why are you awake

** From: Derek Hale **

** (4:07 AM): why are YOU awake **

** (4:07 AM): what is parks and rec **

To: Derek Hale

(4:08 AM): insomnia, dude

(4:08 AM): oh man we are having a marathon this weekend

(4:09 AM): you are basically ron swanson

(4:09 AM): he hates people

(4:10 AM): and he's very manly 

** From: Derek Hale **

** (4:11 AM): i just googled him  **

** (4:12 AM): i don't have a mustache, stiles **

To: Derek Hale

(4:12 AM): you should grow one

From: Derek Hale

(4:13 AM): goodnight, stiles

 _____

To: Derek Hale

(2:00 PM): i miss you calling me sexy hunk of man meat

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(2:01 PM): i don't**

**(2:01 PM): aren't you at school**

 

To: Derek Hale

(2:03 PM): yes and i'm bored :(

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(2:04 PM): pay attention.**

 

To: Derek Hale

(2:04 PM): ok, dad

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(2:05 PM): you just told me you wanted me to call you sexy hunk of man meat and now you are calling me dad**

 

To: Derek Hale

(2:06 PM): .....shhh i'm in class

 _____

**From: Derek Hale**

**(3:05 AM): sexy hunk of man meat**

 

To: Derek Hale

(3:06 AM): ...what?

 

**From: Derek Hale**

**(3:07 AM): you wanted me to call you that again, so there. for old time's sake.**

 

To: Derek Hale

(3:07 AM): careful, derek. people might think you care

** From: Derek Hale **

** (3:08 AM): i do. **

 _____

 

** From: Derek Hale **

** (9:00 AM): i love you and i like you. **

 


End file.
